i have moved my blog to a new location.....
which will be secret for the mean time but i have don't really care if you stumble upon one of these days... just please respect my decision not to tell anybody about it and everything else written or rather typed in there.....
thanks!
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
untitled feeling
it has been a while since the last time i have blogged. i just felt lazy to blog these past few days because i was really really down.
like what i have noticed... a lot of things can happen in a day... these things could actually change your life forever.... or it could be just the start or end of another phase....
for the past 2 months... everything just seemed too complicated.... but in reality... it was just me that was complicating things that aren't supposed to be. actually... up until now.. that's what i am doing...
but so far... i'm really trying my best to keep everything simple... and i have started to stop expecting anything from anybody... it's really useless in my case...
i am trying to change my perspective... but not because somebody wants me to, i just want to.... i will still be myself... only better...
to everyone who hates me... i couldn't care less about you.... if you can't accept me for who i am... why the hell should i do everything just to please you... you are on your own... i will always be like this because this is me... i know i will meet people that can accept me for who i am... there are a lot of people in this world....
there are some things that i wanted to keep private for the rest of my life... stuff that i wanted to bring with me to the grave... but it eventually got out... i can't say that i regret telling it to most people since at this point in time i am happy to have told it to some already.... i feel much closer to them already.... it's just that i expected too much from the people i spent most of my time with. ever since, i somehow felt outcast... but i really tried my best to be part of it... and i tried not to quit since that was what i was good at ever since. i didn't quit because there was a part of me telling me that "maybe the reason why you feel so alone is that you couldn't tell anyone anything."
everything is out and still no change... so what's the use... i'm tired of waiting for nothing....
i'm not closing my mind about this issue since one day... everything could change... but i guess it's time for me to just move on with my life already... i shouldn't waste my time sitting on a corner silently waiting for someone to actually get to know me more....
return to what is real..... c'est la vie!
like what i have noticed... a lot of things can happen in a day... these things could actually change your life forever.... or it could be just the start or end of another phase....
for the past 2 months... everything just seemed too complicated.... but in reality... it was just me that was complicating things that aren't supposed to be. actually... up until now.. that's what i am doing...
but so far... i'm really trying my best to keep everything simple... and i have started to stop expecting anything from anybody... it's really useless in my case...
i am trying to change my perspective... but not because somebody wants me to, i just want to.... i will still be myself... only better...
to everyone who hates me... i couldn't care less about you.... if you can't accept me for who i am... why the hell should i do everything just to please you... you are on your own... i will always be like this because this is me... i know i will meet people that can accept me for who i am... there are a lot of people in this world....
there are some things that i wanted to keep private for the rest of my life... stuff that i wanted to bring with me to the grave... but it eventually got out... i can't say that i regret telling it to most people since at this point in time i am happy to have told it to some already.... i feel much closer to them already.... it's just that i expected too much from the people i spent most of my time with. ever since, i somehow felt outcast... but i really tried my best to be part of it... and i tried not to quit since that was what i was good at ever since. i didn't quit because there was a part of me telling me that "maybe the reason why you feel so alone is that you couldn't tell anyone anything."
everything is out and still no change... so what's the use... i'm tired of waiting for nothing....
i'm not closing my mind about this issue since one day... everything could change... but i guess it's time for me to just move on with my life already... i shouldn't waste my time sitting on a corner silently waiting for someone to actually get to know me more....
return to what is real..... c'est la vie!
Thursday, January 25, 2007
ending the third week
a lot of things happen in a day... definitely a lot more in a week... and so on...
it has been a while since the last time i blogged.... one of the reasons being is that our internet connection was just restored yesterday. i was not able to access most of the sites yesterday so i was not able to blog.
then... i have been busy with a lot of things and i am still overwhelmed by it.... i want to shift out of CCS already!!!! i admit.. i don't want to exert any effort in college and i want to graduate without any hassle at all.... or at least... i would be able to do what i like so much.... film and photography... i really really really want to shift to Communication Arts unfortunately... i can feel that my mom would just be frustrated if i tell her that and i only have one more year left before i graduate. it would definitely be a waste if i shift out of CCS... oh well
anyway... since the last time i blogged, a lot of things had happened... one of the most memorable experiences was being locked outside louie's condo on the open air wing.... we were 6... it was mark, ralph, averee, mikki, kel, and i..... we were there for 3 hours.... it was a really frustrating experience... on the other side was wale and marica... they got locked out of the room which has access to opening the lock to our side..... before our three hour stay trying to open the door with everything we've got... omar and the gang went there to help wale on the other side to open the door.... after we all got out, the boys immediately left... and they were pissed.
next experience was with Joline's birthday bash in Cenadu bar.... i got really really drunk and well... cried my heart out.... once again... to the gang.... it was more of a confirmation with all the things that they had thought about. went home at around 3 with a small hole in the lower part of my favorite pants due to the cigarette i was holding during the UBE session with them. CRAP!!! it was my favorite pair of jeans.... but i can still use it actually... since you won't notice it if you don't look at it closely... harharhar.....
and just when i thought that everything was going smoothly.... there were some misunderstanding with my statement yesterday to kim. my statement was somewhat just a joke. but i think the people involved somehow took it seriously and everything was a total disaster.... AAAARG!!!
to the people involved... I REALLY AM SORRY!!!!!!!! i don't know how this will end up tomorrow but i do hope that i can get this fixed.... i actually planned to leave already... never to show my face again... but ralph just told me... "Ikaw ang center ng issue and ikaw lang ang makaka ayos nito... tapos ngayon mo pa kami iiiwan..." So fine, I will fix this once and for all tomorrow... i told him that... but after tomorrow... i'm too ashamed to go back already.... One of the things i hate the most is for people to fight over something i have said... and that is just what I did... and i really hate myself for opening my stupid mouth....
Then i talked to Marga about it... and somehow, she was able to state that I am a quitter.... with i have been doing since forever.... I'm actually good at it..... she has been an inspiration to me lately... although i still don't know what i'm going to do tomorrow after everyone involved has talked about this issue... I was actually enjoying my time with those who were left in GP up until 8:30... and i really don't want to leave... however... being the pessimistic me... who is an extreme idealist and expect to much from people.... uhm... well.... i'm still considering to leave so that i will never have to hurt anyone or say anything bad in my barkada ever again since they are the only family i've got right now.
Our peer groups consists of people with different personalities... some I'm really scared of since so far i've known them to be good at holding grudges and pretend that everything is fine.... but whatever their personality is... i still and will always love my barkada... i really hope that this is just a phase....
"And to you my friend, I have managed to not even talk to you when not needed and somehow it has made me move on... sort of... well at least i can say that my world does not revolve around you anymore... it would still be nice if i can have you... but at the same time... i feel that by staying like this.. it would be better for the both of us.... I hope that you find that special someone of yours soon...
and to my other barkada.....
I've known you these past few weeks and I am really happy whatever the outcome of this event happening right now... i've told you already even before i really got to know you that i really meant everything that i said. we may not be that close but i have nothing to hide anymore... the things that happened last saturday during ina's debut was all i really needed to be happy and to take some thorns out from my heart. i hope to get a brighter tomorrow... and i know that i will... I REALLY WISH YOU THE BEST!!!! and make sure you don't get hurt the second time... harharhar....(now i am conscious with my words and i hope you don't interpret it as being sarcastic or what the way some had...)"
To everyone, I'm not the type of person who wants to see people fight over some stupid remark over by me.... I have to admit that I felt a bit relax that's why i said that statement last yesterday... It was really nothing and I somehow was not able to send the real message and was misunderstood... I don't like seeing people hurt... or at least.. getting hurt because of me...
I REALLY AM VERY SORRY FOR EVERYTHING....
it has been a while since the last time i blogged.... one of the reasons being is that our internet connection was just restored yesterday. i was not able to access most of the sites yesterday so i was not able to blog.
then... i have been busy with a lot of things and i am still overwhelmed by it.... i want to shift out of CCS already!!!! i admit.. i don't want to exert any effort in college and i want to graduate without any hassle at all.... or at least... i would be able to do what i like so much.... film and photography... i really really really want to shift to Communication Arts unfortunately... i can feel that my mom would just be frustrated if i tell her that and i only have one more year left before i graduate. it would definitely be a waste if i shift out of CCS... oh well
anyway... since the last time i blogged, a lot of things had happened... one of the most memorable experiences was being locked outside louie's condo on the open air wing.... we were 6... it was mark, ralph, averee, mikki, kel, and i..... we were there for 3 hours.... it was a really frustrating experience... on the other side was wale and marica... they got locked out of the room which has access to opening the lock to our side..... before our three hour stay trying to open the door with everything we've got... omar and the gang went there to help wale on the other side to open the door.... after we all got out, the boys immediately left... and they were pissed.
next experience was with Joline's birthday bash in Cenadu bar.... i got really really drunk and well... cried my heart out.... once again... to the gang.... it was more of a confirmation with all the things that they had thought about. went home at around 3 with a small hole in the lower part of my favorite pants due to the cigarette i was holding during the UBE session with them. CRAP!!! it was my favorite pair of jeans.... but i can still use it actually... since you won't notice it if you don't look at it closely... harharhar.....
and just when i thought that everything was going smoothly.... there were some misunderstanding with my statement yesterday to kim. my statement was somewhat just a joke. but i think the people involved somehow took it seriously and everything was a total disaster.... AAAARG!!!
to the people involved... I REALLY AM SORRY!!!!!!!! i don't know how this will end up tomorrow but i do hope that i can get this fixed.... i actually planned to leave already... never to show my face again... but ralph just told me... "Ikaw ang center ng issue and ikaw lang ang makaka ayos nito... tapos ngayon mo pa kami iiiwan..." So fine, I will fix this once and for all tomorrow... i told him that... but after tomorrow... i'm too ashamed to go back already.... One of the things i hate the most is for people to fight over something i have said... and that is just what I did... and i really hate myself for opening my stupid mouth....
Then i talked to Marga about it... and somehow, she was able to state that I am a quitter.... with i have been doing since forever.... I'm actually good at it..... she has been an inspiration to me lately... although i still don't know what i'm going to do tomorrow after everyone involved has talked about this issue... I was actually enjoying my time with those who were left in GP up until 8:30... and i really don't want to leave... however... being the pessimistic me... who is an extreme idealist and expect to much from people.... uhm... well.... i'm still considering to leave so that i will never have to hurt anyone or say anything bad in my barkada ever again since they are the only family i've got right now.
Our peer groups consists of people with different personalities... some I'm really scared of since so far i've known them to be good at holding grudges and pretend that everything is fine.... but whatever their personality is... i still and will always love my barkada... i really hope that this is just a phase....
"And to you my friend, I have managed to not even talk to you when not needed and somehow it has made me move on... sort of... well at least i can say that my world does not revolve around you anymore... it would still be nice if i can have you... but at the same time... i feel that by staying like this.. it would be better for the both of us.... I hope that you find that special someone of yours soon...
and to my other barkada.....
I've known you these past few weeks and I am really happy whatever the outcome of this event happening right now... i've told you already even before i really got to know you that i really meant everything that i said. we may not be that close but i have nothing to hide anymore... the things that happened last saturday during ina's debut was all i really needed to be happy and to take some thorns out from my heart. i hope to get a brighter tomorrow... and i know that i will... I REALLY WISH YOU THE BEST!!!! and make sure you don't get hurt the second time... harharhar....(now i am conscious with my words and i hope you don't interpret it as being sarcastic or what the way some had...)"
To everyone, I'm not the type of person who wants to see people fight over some stupid remark over by me.... I have to admit that I felt a bit relax that's why i said that statement last yesterday... It was really nothing and I somehow was not able to send the real message and was misunderstood... I don't like seeing people hurt... or at least.. getting hurt because of me...
I REALLY AM VERY SORRY FOR EVERYTHING....
Monday, January 15, 2007
2nd week of the term
i'm still here in the EA office since i don't have internet at home.... i don't know when our connection will be back... i can't do anything.. i can't do research.. upload pictures and everything....
anyway.. nothing much happened today except that i went to class and went to GP...
"i don't know what i should do but maybe it's just lust that i feel for you... love does not exist! especially in my case..."
anyway.. nothing much happened today except that i went to class and went to GP...
"i don't know what i should do but maybe it's just lust that i feel for you... love does not exist! especially in my case..."
it's been a while
so much for my blogging... i couldn't blog as much since we don't have internet at home... something is wrong with the telephone cable and it seems that it will take a little bit longer to fix....
anyway.. last thursday.. after i got home... sleepy and all... i just remembered that i forgot my keys so i couldn't get in the house and nobody was home so i walked to starbucks magallanes and just spent a few hours there until i am sure that evreyone was home already so that i could get in...
last friday.. i only had one class, so i spent my afternoon in GP.. waiting for someone who never came... oh well....
last saturday... i didn't have anything to do and was looking for people to invite to hang out with unfortunately.. i was not able to find someone who didn't have any plans at all... so i just went to the office in microsoft to look for people to spend time with... got really bored during the orientation of those who plan to volunteer for the vista launch.... after that... jove, riva, popoy, jolenz, rykiel, their friends and i just went to starbucks to hang out...
after a while.. we went to the park down g4 to have some chit chats... my cousin then texted me and asked me if i was available to look for chics... haha... unfortunately... we were not able to get any....
then i just had a change in perspective... and someone got really pissed when i told her most of the things that i plan to do... oh well...
sunday came and nothing really happened... didn't do much... i was a total bum...
anyway.. last thursday.. after i got home... sleepy and all... i just remembered that i forgot my keys so i couldn't get in the house and nobody was home so i walked to starbucks magallanes and just spent a few hours there until i am sure that evreyone was home already so that i could get in...
last friday.. i only had one class, so i spent my afternoon in GP.. waiting for someone who never came... oh well....
last saturday... i didn't have anything to do and was looking for people to invite to hang out with unfortunately.. i was not able to find someone who didn't have any plans at all... so i just went to the office in microsoft to look for people to spend time with... got really bored during the orientation of those who plan to volunteer for the vista launch.... after that... jove, riva, popoy, jolenz, rykiel, their friends and i just went to starbucks to hang out...
after a while.. we went to the park down g4 to have some chit chats... my cousin then texted me and asked me if i was available to look for chics... haha... unfortunately... we were not able to get any....
then i just had a change in perspective... and someone got really pissed when i told her most of the things that i plan to do... oh well...
sunday came and nothing really happened... didn't do much... i was a total bum...
Thursday, January 11, 2007
tired and weary
so far for my thursday... i woke up at around 6:30am... but i got out of bed at around 7.. sort of.... i felt really tired and i'm not really used to having 8am classes... i got out of the house at around 7:45 already... by the time i got to the LRT station... there was a really long line on halt... i got really nervous coz i didn't want to be late on my COMPETH class...
i got to school at around 8:10 am in my watch and i literally ran from the LRT station to my building which was half way between Vito Cruz Station and Quirino station... i got to our room and the teacher still was not around. after a few minutes... jester announced that our professor won't be able to attend our class.... and it really irritated me since i could have spent a few more hours in bed... and i didn't have to run just to get to the class room on time....
after that, i invited jim and rech to go with me to greenplace... did some sort of bonding... well.. just chit chats.. haha.... went to class at 9:40... we had our first lesson and stuff.... it was dig-med and we just had some lecture.... then i went to my engltri class... it was sooooooooooooooooooooooo boring!!!! and i was really hungry by that time... out professor dismissed us exactly on time and i had only 10 mins to eat my lunch (which was kikiam) and smoke fast... after consuming my stick, i ran back in order not to be late on my stramis class... i shouldn't have hurried since it was not yet time after all.... anyway... we had fun in our stramis because we were grouped together and had 2 games for the whole period... went back to GP for 20 mins and back to gox again to attend my appsdev class...
appsdev still scares me because of what we need to do just to pass the freaking course!!! anyway... i was called during the recitation and well... sort of answered... anyway.. after that.. i decided to go to GP... on my way.. i met edgar and nene.... finally showed him the letter someone asked me to show him and burned it afterwards... he read it in GP... haha.... i did my part...
after that... edgar and nene immediately left since they still had some things to do... i went to our table and bought food.... i felt sleepy and decided to go home... i'm currently in the EA office one more doing this blog since i am not sure if i have internet connection at home already...
"maybe we are meant for each other, maybe we're not.. i don't really know... and i think that this time.. i really am finally learning to let you go.. i know i have stopped blaming you already for all the things i have done to myself because i couldn't accept the fact that.. well.. you must have not liked me at all... i'm actually looking forward to meeting someone new on saturday.... haha... i have to admit that i still want to see you but at the same time... it would not matter if i did see you or not...
i told someone yesterday that maybe if i get everything i need to make my move on you... i definitely well.. but as of now... i don't really plan to... but...i just realized that everything can change in a year... unexpected things can happen in a month... and life changing event could actually happen in a week.... so... well... i'm saying good luck to myself.. and i wish you all the best...."
i got to school at around 8:10 am in my watch and i literally ran from the LRT station to my building which was half way between Vito Cruz Station and Quirino station... i got to our room and the teacher still was not around. after a few minutes... jester announced that our professor won't be able to attend our class.... and it really irritated me since i could have spent a few more hours in bed... and i didn't have to run just to get to the class room on time....
after that, i invited jim and rech to go with me to greenplace... did some sort of bonding... well.. just chit chats.. haha.... went to class at 9:40... we had our first lesson and stuff.... it was dig-med and we just had some lecture.... then i went to my engltri class... it was sooooooooooooooooooooooo boring!!!! and i was really hungry by that time... out professor dismissed us exactly on time and i had only 10 mins to eat my lunch (which was kikiam) and smoke fast... after consuming my stick, i ran back in order not to be late on my stramis class... i shouldn't have hurried since it was not yet time after all.... anyway... we had fun in our stramis because we were grouped together and had 2 games for the whole period... went back to GP for 20 mins and back to gox again to attend my appsdev class...
appsdev still scares me because of what we need to do just to pass the freaking course!!! anyway... i was called during the recitation and well... sort of answered... anyway.. after that.. i decided to go to GP... on my way.. i met edgar and nene.... finally showed him the letter someone asked me to show him and burned it afterwards... he read it in GP... haha.... i did my part...
after that... edgar and nene immediately left since they still had some things to do... i went to our table and bought food.... i felt sleepy and decided to go home... i'm currently in the EA office one more doing this blog since i am not sure if i have internet connection at home already...
"maybe we are meant for each other, maybe we're not.. i don't really know... and i think that this time.. i really am finally learning to let you go.. i know i have stopped blaming you already for all the things i have done to myself because i couldn't accept the fact that.. well.. you must have not liked me at all... i'm actually looking forward to meeting someone new on saturday.... haha... i have to admit that i still want to see you but at the same time... it would not matter if i did see you or not...
i told someone yesterday that maybe if i get everything i need to make my move on you... i definitely well.. but as of now... i don't really plan to... but...i just realized that everything can change in a year... unexpected things can happen in a month... and life changing event could actually happen in a week.... so... well... i'm saying good luck to myself.. and i wish you all the best...."
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
wednesday shopping
i'm currently at the EA office of La Salle since i have internet connection problems at home. anyway... i woke up today @ around 10 because i agreed to assit jove in giving the medals to makati science... we were able to meet at around 12:30 at the Guadalupe MRT station. we went to maksci then i was able to talk to some of my formet teachers... we went to rockwell afterwards... i planned to buy a new pair of shoes today... although i only had a budget of 2000 or less.. and i was not able to buy there.. most of the items were more than php 3000...
we went to glorietta afterwards... we first went to starbucks in greenbelt 3 and just had some chit chat... at around 4... we started looking for shoes again... i was able to buy at the SM department store... FILA was on sale... i bought my pair of shoes in SM since they didn't have a bigger size in glorietta...
then jove had a meeting at six so she went back to la salle after that.. my mom and i had planned to buy some hosehold stuff today but she was still in ortigas and since it was averee's birthday today.. i decided to go to la salle to greet her....
i just came from GP actually... nyx couldn't make it since she had something academic related to do... anyway... that's just about it... i wil be going home in a while since i still have a lot of things to do... assignements for tomorrow... now that i have failed a subject.. i think it's time for me to take things seriously...
"i still like you and i wish i saw you today... but at the same time... i don't want to see you because........ aaarg!!!"
we went to glorietta afterwards... we first went to starbucks in greenbelt 3 and just had some chit chat... at around 4... we started looking for shoes again... i was able to buy at the SM department store... FILA was on sale... i bought my pair of shoes in SM since they didn't have a bigger size in glorietta...
then jove had a meeting at six so she went back to la salle after that.. my mom and i had planned to buy some hosehold stuff today but she was still in ortigas and since it was averee's birthday today.. i decided to go to la salle to greet her....
i just came from GP actually... nyx couldn't make it since she had something academic related to do... anyway... that's just about it... i wil be going home in a while since i still have a lot of things to do... assignements for tomorrow... now that i have failed a subject.. i think it's time for me to take things seriously...
"i still like you and i wish i saw you today... but at the same time... i don't want to see you because........ aaarg!!!"
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